I’ve been thinking a lot lately of how I would tell my parents. Obviously that is a terrifying thing to consider, even though my desire for some real help is really strong. There are pros and cons with both scenarios. Tell them, and lose their complete trust forever. But I would get the help I need.
Or don’t tell them, and they still trust me forever. But I’m left to my misery and I suffer silently and alone.
Don’t you love choices?
I did have a relapse last night. But I’m not going to dwell on it. Even if it takes baby steps, I will get there. My future depends on it. When I have a particularly bad urge, I will write a poem while listening to Michael W. Smith’s Glory album, and most of the time, it works. But last night… last night was just really bad, and I had a breakdown. But who’s perfect? Flaws are just a part of humanity.
“Music is the universal language of mankind.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
You know, when words fail to express the thoughts and feeling that you can’t quite get across, music speaks for you. Is there really a definition for it? Mr. Longfellow came up with a pretty good one, and he made it simple to understand. Music is powerful, and that’s about all I can say.
When it comes to music, there are two or maybe three sides of me. One, a big part, is my classical side. I am in love with Frank Sinatra, especially when he plays and sings in Anchors Aweigh in 1945. Not only is he devilishly handsome, but he’s got a gorgeous voice to go along with those looks. I do enjoy a few others, like Fred Astaire, The Temptations, Duke Ellington, Harry Connick Jr., and Bobby Darin.
The second part of me is epic. And I am not kidding. I can sit in my room, drawing and listening to my playlist of epic movie background songs (orchestrated) for 4 hours straight. I am a huge fan of Hans Zimmer and the work he has done; he is absolutely brilliant.
And if I were to have a third side (which, I guess I do), it would be all Southern Gospel, baby. The Gaithers, The Bishops, and about a bagillion other southern gospel artists hoard space on my music player.
The point of all that? A lot (most) of my acquaintances at school will ask eachother what their favorite music genre is. The most common answers are Rock, Dubstep, Rap, and Country. Literally, that is all they listen to. Where’s the variety? If you would ask me that question, I would give you a detailed description of the multiple genres I listen to. The kind of music I play depends on the mood I am in. If I have just self-harmed, or I want to, I normally put on some Rainymood or my Hanz Zimmer/Piano Guys station, because classical orchestrated songs are fuel for my thoughts so that I don’t just go dead.
Just out of curiosity, and for the sake of maybe bringing closure to this ridiculously random blog post, why don’t you comment your favorite genres? If you only have one, that’s totally fine. If I were to pick a main it would be classical. But I want to know what yours are! I’ll reply to any comments made. 🙂 Stay strong, loves. Don’t give up the fight.
-A.C. ❤ xxx
Freeing Myself 